Dear Esther
If you are having a challenging day or burdened with some personal problems, then you can be sure others are too. Write to Esther and she will have some good sound biblical advice and answers for you. You will be helping others by sharing your need or concern. “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2).

You can email your question to Esther at:



October 3, 2016

Dear Esther,

I am in my early 30s. I was brought to a charismatic church since I was young. You could say I was brought up in a Christian family, although my father does not seem to be one (since I was told we could see whether someone is a Christian or not through his fruits and he has many vices).

We, i.e. my mom, sis and I, have stopped going to charismatic churches but are now in a more fundamentalist, Bible-based church; it’s non-denominational but it leans towards Baptist and Bible-Presbyterian.

Anyway, I’m questioning Christianity as a whole. Ever since I went to university, I started questioning a lot of things. I have overcome many challenges in my life and would love to think that the Lord was the one who helped me overcome them (but did He? Was it Him? I prayed and He answered, but was it just coincidence?).

I just watched this documentary about cults, and I’ve read and people have told me Christianity is just one big cult. Is the Lord real? I seem to have grown distant in my walk with the lord and this could be either hindering my closeness with him or it could be that I am not spending a lot of time with Him that is causing me to feel this way.

I feel I am losing Him... what can I do?

Thank you.


Dear Rachel,

Please understand this: Most universities are filled with anti-Christian philosophies and people, working to place doubt into the minds of believers. It is one of Satan’s breeding grounds for atheism and false religions. The Lord Jesus is the truth and the Bible is the Word of God. In fact the Word is God. John 4:1-4 presents the Deity of Jesus Christ:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.”

Please read that Scripture carefully again. It is a strong testament to the one and only sovereign God of the universe. He is life itself. Without Him nothing can exist.

We live in such a complex world, and as I have often said, we are living in a spiritual battlefield. Unless we arm ourselves daily with the Word of God we are vulnerable to the wiles of the devil.

I can speak from personal experience. It was when I was surrounded by humanistic philosophies starting in my college years that I, too, started having doubts. I also did not have a very strong biblical foundation to my faith after I was saved—so I was not equipped to recognize the many false teachings. Although I was around Christians a lot.

Plus I attended a very liberal university and had moved away from the few true Christian friends I had in my home town. In other words, it was only by the grace of God that I did not totally fall away from the faith and become a spiritual casualty. I never denied , and always loved Jesus but I did investigate many other religions and belief systems. I was confused, much like you are today.

To add fuel to the fire I had been around some professing Christians that showed themselves to be quite hypocritical, living worldly lives which greatly affected me as far as the authenticity of Christianity as a whole. I was looking at the behavior of people and not the Scriptures. Yes, “by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:20).

All the “new” spiritual ideas were quite tempting and appealing to me. After all, the common denominator to all of them is accountability to no one, certainly not a holy God. Our sin nature is that of rebellion. (The New Age philosophies elevate mankind to god status. Some others, like the Roman Catholic Church are so works-oriented that no one ever a chance to earn enough good works to definitively make it into heaven. Idolatry is also a huge problem in false religions.)

Because I was disheartened by the hypocrisy I saw in some professing Christians I was ripe for the picking (Satan’s assaults), which almost always come through some very “nice people.” The only drawback is that these same nice people simply do not think the Bible is worth the paper it is printed on. Satan has many representatives working for him, and most of them are oblivious to how they are being used for the dissemination of evil.

But at that young age, it is easy to be led astray without a strong biblical foundation. Never mind that I had sat in many churches for years and sincerely went through the motions of being a Christian. But I just didn’t totally get it. In time, the Lord healed me (rescued me) from any doubts and certainly gave me a great education regarding the spiritual warfare in which we are immersed.

Rachel, you sound like a very intelligent and sincere young lady. Please take my words to heart: We are living in the time of the prophesied apostasy. We are surrounded and inundated with spiritual lies. It is imperative that we stay in the Word of God or we will weaken our walk with the Lord and sin and doubt can more easily enter into our lives. (You can attest to that right now.)

The apostle Paul was very strong in his appeal to be prepared for spiritual battle as he warned in Ephesians 6:10-20:

“Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Wherefore take up the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and, having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; withal taking up the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the evil one.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: with all prayer and supplication praying at all seasons in the Spirit, and watching thereunto in all perseverance and supplication for all the saints, and on my behalf, that utterance may be given unto me opening my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.”

Regarding your reference to Christianity being a cult as advocated by biblically illiterate people, please know that these same individuals accept everything but Jesus Christ. Some cults do exist within Christianity but true biblical Christianity is not a cult—it is our lifeline to Jesus Christ and to an eternity with Him because of His blood sacrifice on Calvary, and His abiding grace.

It is true that there are many professing Christians who are very weak in their walk with the Lord. In fact, they may not have a “walk” with the Lord at all. But that does not mean the teachings in Scripture false.

The Bible is God-breathed, demonstrating that history was written in advance (prophecy) within sixty-six different books by forty different men over thousands of years; the messages are integrated like no other “holy” book.

The Old Testament was translated from Greek three centuries before Christ was born (the Septuagint version of the Tanakh—the Old Testament). Because many things it describes are depicted so precisely, godless commentators have had to try to late date those books to discredit the veracity of God’s Holy Word. Scripture twisting is a method used by all naysayers; that is another reason why we must diligently study the Bible for ourselves so we are not fooled and mislead.

Let’s explore the importance of gaining spiritual wisdom and discernment.

Even long after we come to a saving faith in Christ we must be very much on guard for questionable and unsound teachings found even within the Christian church. As I said earlier, we are living in the last days when “falling away from the faith”—the apostasy is steadily increasing, just as Jesus foretold. For example, some individuals will try to convince others that emotional “experiences” are credible tests of biblical, spiritual authenticity.

Experience alone, apart from adhering to the accuracies of Scripture cannot be a reliable gauge by which to test the spirits (1 John 4:1). This is the same lie that keeps many New Agers bound to false doctrines. Some spiritual experiences or encounters are God-given and some are not. Satan has a counterfeit deceptive action for many of God’s teachings (2 Thessalonians 2:9; 2 Corinthians 11:14). The devil’s aim is to cause confusion and mayhem and he is doing a superlative job.

Many “sheep in wolves clothing” are deliberately infiltrating the Christian church offering confusing, distorted teachings spanning from the emergent church movement, “contemplative prayer” trends—to “seeker-sensitive” doctrines. They are dangerously compromising the gospel by attacking the very basic, core-truths of Scripture. Substitutes for God’s redemptive work are running awry—propelled by those who do not accept the authority, inspiration and inerrancy of the Bible.

Because they do not like or want to accept the truths of the Bible, a deceptive tactic used by some “evangelicals” who compromise the Scriptures is this: They say the true meanings of Scripture are “unclear” in an attempt to appear modest and gain popular favor with their target audience, when in truth they are casting doubt upon God’s inerrant Word.

Jesus Christ came to earth to die—to set us free from our sins—to give us eternal life and to save us from hell. Some people do not want to accept hell as a real place. Yet hell is referenced in the Bible repeatedly—dozens of times—in both the Old and New Testaments. Those who want to rewrite the Bible don’t want to trust God and accept that He knows what is best for them, so they create new doctrines with which that they can feel “comfortable.”

If we are truly born-again, saved—redeemed, regenerated and reconciled through Christ’s blood sacrifice, then the truths of the Bible are our anchor—our blessed shield and hope in a sinister world fraught with power-hungry, greedy takers. The Word of God and prayer are lifelines for the genuine believer.

“Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105).

“Forever, O LORD, Your word is settled in heaven. Your faithfulness endures to all generations; You established the earth and it abides” (Psalm 119:89).

“As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You O God, for the living God” (Psalm 42:1a).

Praying for spiritual wisdom and discernment is an integral part of one’s walk with the Lord, especially in these last days. This is the age of confusion and spiritual recklessness. The promises of the Lord strengthen us as we go through our everyday lives. His Word is our guiding light. Rachel, it is so important to spend time reading and studying the Scriptures.

The Word of God is our powerful ally in a very chaotic, desperate world. A better world is coming soon for all believers. Hold on to that promise and trust the Lord. It won’t be long now when the cares and concerns of this world are left behind. The apostle Paul recorded the following encouraging Scriptures:

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praise worthy—meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

“In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.

No other religion or spiritual teaching can say this:

“In Him you also trusted after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also having believed you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession to the praise of His glory.

Therefore, I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, do not cease to give thanks for you in my prayers: that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, in the eyes of your understanding being enlightened;

That you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come” (Ephesians 1:11-21).

Rachel, everyone has doubts at times, even if for only a moment. Trust the Lord Jesus completely and go to Him now and ask Him to help you come back to Him. He never left you. He is waiting for you with open arms.

“And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

When engaged in a Bible study one way I personally stay in the Word is this: Instead of copying and pasting Scripture from an online Bible, I actually type out the verses from my personal Bibles. How archaic of me! It slows me down a bit but I am better able to reflect on the passages and their meanings. I can’t study that way all the time, but I try to do it as much as I can.

Today everyone seems to be in such a hurry. We must slow down and take in the Word of God so we can grow in our faith and understand God’s precepts and apply them in our daily lives. For that reason I refuse to get a “smart” phone. I would much rather spend time in my Bible and not get caught-up in the trappings of this world. (Although I do use my PC a lot, but mostly for work-related tasks.) Technology is both a blessing and a curse; a blessing when we are mindful of the convenience and benefits of improved communication; a curse when we make some electronic devices our 24/7 crutch.

Rachel, I have confidence in you, that you will get through this lull in your walk with the Lord. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing. Jesus is the best friend you could ever have. He is preparing a special place just for you so where He is, you can be also.

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” (John 14:1-4).

And regarding your comment that you would love to think that the Lord was the one who helped you overcome many challenges in your life. You said, “But did He? Was it Him? I prayed and He answered, but was it just coincidence?” Rachel, when you are a blood-bought born-again child of God there are no coincidences. Surely it was the Lord who sustained you and brought you through those challenges.

As sure as I am sitting here one day each and every person in this crumbling and corrupt world will bow their knee to the King of kings and Lord of Lords, and then all the cynics will learn that they are wrong. Sadly for them, it will be too late.

“For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:9-11).

Rachel, I will leave you with a link to an informative website titled, Is the Bible true?. Please take some time to study some of the articles on the site; there are some good ones that will help you sort out some of your issues.

In God’s love,


“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

September 26, 2016

Dear Esther,

It has been a blessing to read all the letters from other brethren and the sound biblical counsel that you give them. I want to share my testimony/struggle with you and maybe help another believer that may have this same struggle!

I have been a born-again believer since I was 16 years old. I am 50 years old now. The Lord Jesus saved me in March 1980 when I was living a life of fornication, lying and deception. I was so excited about my faith and my new relationship with the Lord Jesus.

I started sharing with my family and friends, of my new found faith, but I had a secret of still indulging in sexual sin with my boyfriend because I didn’t know God’s Word on fornication (since my parents lived together and were not married).

I knew a little bit about God’s Word from occasionally going to church, but I didn’t know the depth and seriousness of it. I was mentored later in my relationship with Christ by three mature believers and they helped me to understand what it truly meant to walk in faithfulness to the Lord Jesus, and what His Word required of me as a new believer.

I have been walking in love and obedience to Him since that time. Not perfectly, but by His grace and mercy.

I met some other believers and we moved to a place in Philadelphia, which I thought was a church of born-again believers who loved Jesus. Unfortunately it turned out to be a CULT and I was taught the Word of God, but there was a lot of Scripture-twisting and the most damaging of the experience was a works-salvation gospel, which I was taught instead of the true grace-salvation gospel (Ephesians 2:8-9).

The greatest part I will say of the entire experience is that I have made some great lifelong friendships with sisters who were there and have since left, and are now living for the Lord.

Today, not very often, but at times I’m bombarded in my mind and I struggle with thinking that the Lord is displeased with me—if I’m not doing some kind of work. We had a chart of works/activities that we had to fulfill every day before 12 midnight. We were working 24/7 trying to make sure we were doing some religious activity (otherwise the LORD would not be pleased with us).

If I’m not reading my Bible or something spiritual, I feel harassed and out of the will of God. My desire is to read the Bible every day so I can fellowship with my Father and know His will and commune with Him. I delight in serving Him with the gifts He has given me. It’s not a chore or “have to” mentality.

I just get overwhelmed with all of this sometimes. I continually give it to the Lord and ask Him to take this from me. I know His finished work on Calvary paid my sin debt in FULL. I know I’m saved by grace and faith alone. I just get overwhelmed with this in my mind sometimes and I’m praying for it to be removed.

I feel assured right now as I’m writing you and confident in God’s Word (no matter what my feelings say), I know they are feelings and attacks from the enemy. Would you please share some biblical counsel and suggestions?

God bless you and may the Lord continue to use you and shine upon you!!!

We are more than conquerors through Him who loves us.


Dear RP,

Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful words. You are obviously dedicated to the Lord. He has brought you through some rough territory. The enemy is an expert at portraying himself as an angel of light, as you well know.

Too few Christians are aware of how Satan does this through other so-called Christian ministries; especially, when the approach is to lure in unsuspecting people who are genuinely seeking biblical truth. But what the devil means for harm, the Lord counters with blessings and goodness. You are a living testimony to that, today.

False religions and false teachings are Satan’s greatest method of deceiving people. You are not alone in getting caught-up in a group that may look godly initially—but then the Scripture twisting and blasphemous doctrines emerge.

One of the greatest after-effects from being involved in a cult is the brainwashing, the mind-bending indoctrination that haunts a person long after renouncing anything to do with the cult.

Many years ago I met someone whose job was to rescue people from cults. He was hired by family members who had lost a son or daughter to a cult. This man’s job was to deprogram victims who had been emotionally and mentally abused by the cult.

He was strongly grounded in the Word of God and understood the subtle tactics used by cult leaders—to confuse and indoctrinate the “flock.” The after-effects can linger on for a very, very long time. I think that is what you are dealing with (to a small degree).

The keeping busy for God tactic is a common theme in cults; works, works, and more works is a way to make a person feel like they are unworthy no matter what they do. At what point are our works enough?

Never; so this is a way to control and confuse people. This slavery that you were subjected to has a way of breaking the spirit of a person—if it were not for the Lord Jesus’ intervention at some point.

You are already doing everything a believer is asked to do. Continue to pray throughout each day as we are commanded (Ephesians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 5:17), read, study, memorize and meditate on Scripture.

It is up to the Lord to open the door for us to do more. We serve Him by being available 24/7, as certainly you are, but as you already know that does not mean your life must evolve around any particular strict spiritual routine of trying to earn God’s love and favor.

If a church member or a neighbor needs help, we help them. When the pastor needs someone to do something in the church and we have the gift to do it, we do it. This is all we can do. God is never displeased with us if we are not doing things in the church 16 hours a day. He wants you to spend most of your time with Him in prayer and in the Word. It sounds like you are doing that, already.

The thoughts you are having that God is displeased with you, as I said before, is part of the mind bending tactics by the cult. It is not always easy to ignore the accusatory voices, but you can, with the Lord’s help. As long as you are praying throughout each day, spending time in the Word every day and are available to serve God—that is all you can do.

Consider all the nice people who are not saved but are very religious. Day after day they toil to please the Lord. But they are in bondage to their religion (as you once were, although you were saved).

In Christ we are made free, and that is what we must remember and think about. When those voices of condemnation start working on you, the best thing to do is start quoting Scripture out loud, and start praising and thanking God for His greatness. Not silently, but out loud. There is power in the Word of God and we are strengthened when we actually hear it. Jesus is the Word made flesh (John1:1-4).

It is also a good idea to find a good audio version of the Bible and play it while you are driving your car, and at home. Fill your mind with God’s Scriptures at every opportunity. But don’t use Christian media as a substitute for reading, studying and speaking the Word of God. Use Christian media resources only as an addition to worshipping the Lord and studying His Word.

From reading your letter, it is evident that you are a mature and serious believer, and a great blessing to the cause of Christ. Your involvement with the cult has given you a perspective that many Christians don’t have. Your effectiveness in reaching others is strengthened because of your experience. You bring a type of depth to your faith that can only serve to benefit others.

You are in a position to discern problematic teachings; you have developed spiritual radar that can detect so-called biblical teachings that are amiss. You have also developed a sense of identifying phony Christians with hidden agendas. You are blessed in ways that can help you minister to others—who are confused about their faith and counsel them in what truly constitutes authentic Christianity.

Because you have the Holy Spirit living within you, coupled with your experiences with false Christianity, you can overcome any doubts about the Lord being pleased with you. After all He died for you! He loved you long before you were saved. He knew you before you were born. His love for us is incomprehensible. That is what you should focus your thoughts upon.

Christ deliberately placed Himself in a position where He willingly suffered—tremendously—to bring us to a point of reconciliation and redemption. God is our abiding companion in the Person of the Holy Spirit.

Our heavenly Father wants us to pour our hearts out to Him when we are shaken by the cruel and vicious dynamics in this fallen and corrupt world. He is ever-present in our time of need. We are never alone. Lean on your Heavenly Father for comfort. Realize your great worth in the Lord’s eyes.

“For as many who are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 8:14-18).

The more you read the Scriptures that speak of the Lord’s love for you, the doubts about your good standing with Him will diminish. Healing from the type of abuse you endured comes through worshipping and praising the Lord. It is a miracle in some ways that you were able to get away from the cult.

Praise God in all things and communicate with Him all day long. Acknowledge Him in all you do as you navigate through your day. Trust in Him completely, in His Word. We are to live by faith, and that means we TRUST Him. I know you already know all of this, but it is good to be reminded and encouraged—to keep our focus on God’s lovingkindness.

By praising the Lord and offering Him a joyful heart, the accusatory voices that are causing you to doubt, will subside. You are already a champion for Christ. You have victory in Him. All the glory goes to God, and you are a benefactor of His tremendous grace. Whenever those accusatory voices fill your mind, quote Scripture and thank God for all the blessings in your life, and particularly for saving you from going down the road of destruction.

I have said this many times: When the devil knows we belong to the Lord, he is fully aware he has lost the battle for our souls. But he will do whatever possible to make us think that God does not love us, that He is disappointed with us and that we are useless to Him. Satan will try to keep us from living a productive life so we can’t reach others for Christ.

But we know greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world, and nothing can keep us from the love of God. Be encouraged. The Lord loves you deeply and sees you as a redeemed child of God, not a failed one.

The failed person is the individual who foolishly rebels against Him never admitting a need for the Savior. People like this are often hopelessly lost and tragically condemned for all eternity, because of their foolish pride.

Surely you bless many because of the wisdom you have gained. Through your struggles to get clarification regarding your faith about true Christianity, you have come out on the winning side. I leave you with one very important Scripture that I hope you will meditate on every day:

“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14).

Rejoice, RP, you are in a position to minister to others from a unique perspective. Spiritual deception is running rampant, and you have gained spiritual discernment to alert others to this growing epidemic in these last days. Use all of what you have been through to God’s glory. Can you see how God has given you much to work with to help others gain a genuine walk with the Lord? Surely you are very special in His eyes.

On that day glorious when you finally see Him face to face, rest assured that He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord” (Matthew 25:21b).

In God’s love,


“Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The LORD ismy portion,” says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!” (Lamentations 3:22-14).

September 19, 2016

Hi Esther,

I have written to you once before about my feeling unworthy of God and am pleased to say that the Lord has gotten me out of some bad mind spaces in recent years. I have grown in my faith with him and am trying to still live out His will for my life.

I write to you for advice now because I have recently had a heavy heart concerning the lack of love in my life, and I really am desiring it. I have wanted to be married and be a godly man since I was a young teen, but no relationship ever seemed to materialize.

I am a millennial, but I reject the modern sinful notions of sex and cohabitation before marriage and embrace the godly notion of marriage between a man and a woman (preferably Christian).

I understand the reasons why God allowed my initial attractions to some women to never materialize into a commitment to marriage before (lack of maturity, not a right match etc.) but recently I am afraid that nothing of the sort will ever come to me. I keep being afraid that God will never allow me to marry due to the times in which we live.

All of the women I know whom I count as friends and relatives each seem to have a trait that attracted them to go into a relationship with the men they chose. Almost all expressed a desire to be there for their man, to be supporting and loving; but their lives do not reflect such dedication from their partners.

I do not wish to sound prideful, but most do not even look into the best interest for their loved ones over themselves as Christ commanded. I would love for a woman to feel that way about me and I about her so we can have a marriage that God says works. A marriage of submission one to another. But no woman has felt this way toward me.

God has blessed me with a lot of opportunities and growth for my business lately, and I pray he keeps but it feels shallow and empty alone. The social situation I am in now as a start-up is worse than it was when I was in college. I went from being around women and friends to being around no one at all.

I have no social life, church life (though I do have online connections to a church group), and all I do is stay at home and work. I do not consider myself that attractive and am afraid to go out and meet others (though I do not have a hard time making new friends).

My biggest fear is that the Lord does not will this for me at any point in my life, or that it will be such a long suffering wait like Abraham and Sarah for their child that I will give up before my time has come. In the grand scheme of things, what is my love life?

All I yearn is to one day exclaim for joy like Adam did when he saw Eve and say “This is flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood.” Nevertheless let God’s will be done regardless of my desires.

Thanks for your time,

The Lonely Young Christian

Dear Lonely Young Christian,

The best years of your life may very well be ahead of you. If the Lord rapture’s His Church soon, the concerns you have will not matter. If he tarries, then your heart’s desire to have the wife of your dreams with whom you can share your life could be on the horizon.

I get the impression that in due time, as you continue to grow your business and grow spiritually, if you are meant to be married—God will bring the right woman into your life. It is natural to desire a mate, but timing is not always as we want for any number of reasons.

Or sometimes the Lord calls us to serve Him without a mate. Consider the apostle Paul. In time, as you continue to seek the Lord for His will for your life, whatever is best for you will become your heart’s desire. At this time, without a doubt, your heart’s desire is to share your life with that special someone.

As you say, “It is so important to reject the modern sinful notions of sex and cohabitation before marriage and embrace the godly notion of marriage between a man and a woman (preferably Christian).

I would remove the thought “preferably Christian” and change it to “only Christian.” Far too many people get themselves into unequally yoked marital situations and live to regret it. A divided house cannot stand. You are better off remaining single than getting involved with someone who is not sold-out for Christ, regardless of how nice that person is. The Lord gives this warning for good reasons:

“Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

It is admirable that you understand that the lifestyles led by those who cohabitate and engage in premarital intimate relations is wrong. Hold onto that precept and never compromise. You will be glad you did when the right lady appears in your life.

Sometimes we can create unnecessary limitations by placing barriers in our way. You are a child of God and in His strength you can get up the nerve to meet new people.

When we take the focus away from ourselves and truly place God first in our lives all kinds of wonderful things can happen. Loneliness is not so acute when we are busy serving the Lord. But you should never go into ministry work with the idea of doing it to meet a mate. Do it all for the Lord and He will bless you. Surely you can find people who get together and study the Bible. Look around in your community. Genuine Christians will be happy to fellowship with you.

To fill the void in your life please find some creative ways to reach others for Christ. Out of your devotion to Him, you will not feel so alone. We all need a sense of belonging and we also must trust the Lord to do what is best for us. I can tell you from the many letters I receive most marriages are in trouble. Some (many) are in serious trouble.

If you would reconsider how you perceive your situation, you might just find that you are more blessed than you realize. Outside of your business obligations you can give all of your time to the Lord. You are in the perfect position to spend time taking your faith to a deeper level, delving into steadfast Bible study, and reaching others for Christ.

A godly woman who loves the Lord is attracted to a man who is devoted to Christ; a godly woman desires a man who is well-versed in the Scriptures. Could you lead a future wife in Bible study and devotions? Are you prepared to place God first in that relationship?

Dear friend, the Lord Jesus understands your heart more than anyone else. Pay attention to what He might be trying to communicate to you. Do you trust Him? Do your really trust Him? No one can replace the love of Christ. The church at Ephesus comes to mind:

“But I have this against thee, that thou didst leave thy first love. Remember therefore whence thou art fallen, and repent and do the first works; or else I come to thee, and will move thy candlestick out of its place, except thou repent” (Revelation 2:4-5).

Even though that church had many strong believers who fought the good fight (1 Timothy 6:12), some slowly fell away and left their first love—the Lord Jesus. Eventually that church closed its doors. Never allow yourself to place anything or anyone else before the Lord. Use this time as a single man, wisely.

Be sure you are sold-out to your first love, the Lord Jesus—and trust Him to guide you and create the reality in your life that honors Him. Give the Lord your all first, and only get involved with a woman who loves the Lord and places Him first in her life. The best marriages I have seen are those based a mutual love and devotion for Christ, while working together in some sort of ministry for Him.

If you are living day-to-day thinking you have lack in your life, you will struggle with discontent to your own detriment. Faithfully mediate on the Scriptures and you will be strengthened. Accept Christ’s gift of deep abiding fellowship and walk with Him in a new more determined way. He can renew your mind and change you perception from the lack you feel in your life and fill that void with His abundant joy.

You sound like a very wonderful young man with a lot to offer the Lord and to the world. Ask Him to guide you and pray for wisdom and patience. You still have plenty of time to get married. Resolve to trust completely in Christ for your life’s purpose and yield your will to His will for you. We know that God sovereignly works all things according to His will:

“In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will, to the end that we who were the first to hope in Christ would be to the praise of His glory” (Ephesians 1:11-12).

The Lord also sovereignly planned what shall come to pass and he carries out His plans:

“Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying, ‘My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure’” (Isaiah 46:10).

You are in an ideal situation. You have not corrupted yourself by getting involved with relationships that would take you away from Christ. You are self-sufficient with your business and you are healthy. You are blessed!

Count all your blessings and always be grateful for everything the good Lord has given you. In this country sometimes we forget just how blessed we are, and take our lifestyles for granted. An attitude of gratitude is so important; it shows our Lord how much we appreciate Him.

Hold on to your virtue and trust that whatever the Lord has in mind for you is His best. Let Him be your best Buddy and think of your life as a great adventure with blessings upon blessings. Give Him your all. Start your day with praising the Lord and get excited about even the smallest blessings.

“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17).

Dear friend, I wish you the very best. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing as time passes, and always keep this Scripture in mind:

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

In God’s love,


“Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it” (Proverbs 37:3-5).