Here are some actual problem sentences found in church bulletins and/or newsletters:
- Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
- Thursday night – potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
- Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church building. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours.”
- Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.