For many weeks, I have been, for lack of a better word – a mess.
I have been suffering in silence. I have thought to myself, “What is wrong with me?” and “If my readers could see me now, they would never read another word I write.”
I have hidden this quite well from my unbelieving family. I’m not sure if that was wise, but I think that I was more concerned for them to see that, as a Christian, I was doing okay.
I’m not doing okay.
Occasionally, I will ask my FB brethren for their input on certain matters. I did open up to them a couple of nights ago, asking if any of them were experiencing these mood swings, anxiety, sadness and even anger.
The responses were overwhelming. These brothers and sisters in Christ opened up their hearts and said that they were battling the same emotions of which I spoke.
Here is what I posted and following that are many of the responses from my FB brethren:
“I feel like I’m going to let my readers down. I’m just bearing my soul here. I’m not doing well. People think I’m so strong because I write these articles. But I’m sad and sometimes very angry, and I can’t seem to get a handle on this. I’m crying most of the time.
This has overwhelmed me so much so I looked this up online – whether this pandemic is affecting people like it is me. And I found so many websites devoted to this very thing. They are saying that it’s a loss of “normalcy,” a grieving of sorts.
I’m missing my kids and grandkids. It’s like there is a hole in my heart.
But then I thought “I’m a Christian. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” But I’m still in this flesh – this wretched flesh.
I wondered if there are many other brethren experiencing this grieving. And then I wondered if this is what God wants me to write about. If there are many Christians going through this, it might comfort them to know that they are not alone.
I would appreciate your input.”
Responses:
“Very much so. I live alone; it’s impossible to even call friends or family–I don’t want to bring them down. My heart feels like it’s breaking all the time, and I see no reason to still be in this evil world. This must be one of those times when there’s only 1 set of footprints–HIS.”
“Oh, goodness yes! After I put my son down for his nap earlier, I went into my bedroom, shut the door, and just poured out my heart to God. I just started begging Him to just take me home!!!”
“I am definitely going through the same thing, and the words you said, “this wretched flesh.” I am ready to be made new. I keep looking up and remember that joy that we will soon have when we see Our Great God And King, soon Geri; we will be delivered soon.
“P. S. I HATE the way I have been acting, it’s a war.”
“Yes, but…, “Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ” (Titus 2:13, KJV).”
“Geri, you are writing. I am brokenhearted and cannot get past the vitriol or do much productive other than care for my elderly dying mother. Keep writing. We need a watchman! Sound those alarms.”
“YES…This is Most Certainly “The Time” for All of God’s children to Fully Express Our Fears… Uncertainty’s with One Another as Led By The Holy Spirit…. WE ARE THE CHURCH, and We All Desperately Need Not Stay Silent; But to Seek Fellowship Together In One Accord…. If The Lord impresses upon us to share our fears… uncertainties… We Can then (all of us) come into agreement to Earnestly Seek The Lord in Fervent Prayer for One Another!…. After all… We Are His Church living in a fallen world…. YES… We All need support and prayer during these uncertain times…. But let us Never Forget… Since We Have JESUS THE CHRIST in Our Hearts… We are MORE THAN CONQUERORS IN CHRIST THE LORD!”
“I too share your pain and grief my sister…. My family is lost in much deception from WOF, Seeker Sensitive/Emergent, New Age, Luciferian, Humanistic Psychology. They too make fun of the true Gospel. But the hope I have is my mother is waking up a bit from WOF…. all else is very dark….”
“Praying for you and many of us trying to wake up the sleeping churches. But we are doing what God has called us to do.”
“Those that love this world system and being deceived by entertainment traps of this world just see this happening as a virus…and things will be better soon… they will have to find out the hard way I pray… and some may not think this is overwhelming, I know.”
“Yes, there are others with the same feelings. We’ve all felt loss and grieve, but I just try to remember that God will not give us more than we can handle. God bless and keep the faith.”
“It’s okay to grieve.”
“I am in grief as well. I think bc of the days are shortened, Jesus’ Return is upon us, and I’m concerned for the lost… all…. I’m sorry you feel this way, but I think as sisters in Christ, it is normal for us to feel this, especially now. It’s a tough time…. You can feel this. It’s ok to not be ok.”
“You’re not alone in your grief. Any time we experience a loss, we grieve that loss. We have lost our “normal.” It will never be the same again. That is hard to take. I too am having to work through this loss. And I’m having a hard time dealing with the uncertainty of what is to come, here on earth until we leave. That can be quite scary. Apart from God. He will always be with us. He will always give us the grace and strength we need. And he will give us peace. He is faithful to his promises!”
“God has been directing my husband and I to spend less time reading news stories and more time listening to and singing praise music. And listening to more good teaching that is focused on God and his word, and that gives us hope in these very trying times.”
“Yes. In the end I know everything will be right… but from here to there is what scares me a lot. I know we won’t go through the Tribulation, but what other stuff are we going to see before we leave? I certainly didn’t expect to be a victim of a bioterror attack, and half of our own government taking the side of the attackers!”
“The heaviness has been overwhelming. Frustrated, and frustrated that I am frustrated. Thankful to know it’s not just me. Thank you, Geri Ungurean.”
“This is TRUTH, I know. Still the human side gets weary sometimes, but GOD always replenishes.”
“Same here, Geri. All I do is stay teary-eyed. I miss normal, church, family. No heart to do anything. I’m not one to get depressed, but I am now. Let’s pray for each other. Your sister in Christ.”
“As I was reading through the posts, this scripture came to mind that would be good to “consider” during this dark and evil time:
Heb12:1-3 “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.”
“Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted. I cling to His promises. If I were there beside you, I would be quiet and let you mourn. There is so much oppression in the air. Tonight, as I was looking for a verse, my eyes fell on Isaiah 60. “Arise, shine, for the light has come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee. For behold the darkness shall cover the earth and gross darkness the people: but the Lord shall arise upon thee and His glory shall be seen upon thee.”
“I am feeling the same, and that you shared how you feel makes me think it is normal due to the circumstances and that I am not alone. I was asking the Lord to forgive me for feeling like that, but then I realized this was a time for mourning, a time to cry but not alone but with our Lord. He will comfort us and give us the peace we need in the middle of all this. Thank you for sharing how you have been feeling; certainly, it makes me feel better. God bless you”
“Yes. You should write about this. We are at war with our own flesh. I believe the Lord wants His children to let go of this world and all the trappings that keep us bound to it. You can articulate this to our brethren.”
“Yes, and it is so unexpected to me! I usually have a very positive attitude, but this is rough. Good training in case something bigger comes along before the rapture! I was getting groceries today and had a mix of fear and grief seeing the shelves so bare. But I reminded myself that the rapture is not far off and what we are seeing is proof! I know God will provide all we need in the meantime, but it is unsettling to see our lives changing so dramatically.”
“I think most of us here are grieving over this. Particularly, the lack of having our children and grandchildren with us, and local churches now gone virtual. There are sorrows heaped upon sorrows. Despite that, and because there are great warriors for Christ like you, Geri, we have the strength to soldier on. Happy Easter – He is Risen! We have overcome.”
______________________________________________________
Brethren, as I thought about our “grieving and sadness,” my mind went to a part of Scripture when Jesus was on the Cross – taking the sins of the whole world upon Himself. He cried out:
“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 7:46).
Jesus cried out those words to His Father because, at that moment in time, Jesus had taken the sins of the world upon Himself – His Father in heaven could not look upon Him. God cannot abide sin!
Can you imagine the anguish felt by both Jesus and His Father?
But then, the Bible says that Jesus “Gave up the ghost.” And we celebrate His miraculous Resurrection from the dead which enabled us, who belong to Him, to have eternal life!
Another Scripture which came to mind was this:
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18).
I hope that this helped even one of the brethren who might be struggling right now. He will wipe away every tear!
And when we have our glorified bodies, we will never have to struggle like this again!
Shalom b’Yeshua
MARANATHA!!
Articles at grandmageri422.me