Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
“I started a new practice last year,” the first one said. “I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months.”
“Why in the world would you do that?” the other asked.
She responded, “It’s the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without.”
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through the “Big Book” to see if the guy is worthy of entering.
Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can’t see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad, either. If you can convince me of one REALLY good thing you think you did in your life, you’re in.”
The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Yeah, there was this one time I was driving down the road and saw this group of really scary guys torturing a poor girl.
“I slowed down, stopped, got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out from my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang–a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his ear to his nose. As I approached him, the gang formed a circle around me.
“So, I ripped the chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them. ‘Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You’re all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!’ ”
St. Peter was impressed and says, “Really? And when did this happen?”
“Oh, about ten minutes ago.”