A drunk man, who smelled like a beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man’s tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began to read.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked ‘Say Father, what causes arthritis?’

The priest replies ‘My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man’

‘Well isn’t that something’ the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologized. ‘I’m sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?’

‘I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.’

A couple of Alabama hunters are out in the woods when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground.

He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he’s dead.”

….There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says, “OK, now what?”