A housewife called up a pet store and said, “Send me a thousand cockroaches at once!”

“What in the world do you want with a thousand cockroaches?” asked the clerk.

“Well,” replied the woman, “I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found it.”

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.

She headed for the express lane where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

“Excuse me,” she said, “I’m in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?”

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, “Ummmm, Not bad.”