Maternity leave would last two years…with full pay!

There’d be a cure for stretch marks.

Natural childbirth would become obsolete. {Eg: You want me to push this through WHAT?!!}

Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s No. 1 health problem.

All methods of birth control would be improved to 100% effectiveness.

Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet-trained and over the “Terrible Twos.”

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”

“I know” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.”