The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning–cold.

The Ten Commandments would actually be only five–double-spaced and written in a large font.

A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.

Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to abuse@romans.gov.

Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.

Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

If Jesus Preached today, He would be wanted by….

The FDA for turning water into wine without a license.
The EPA for killing fig trees.
The AMA for practicing medicine without a license.
The Department of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead, and for feeding the 5,000 people in the wilderness.
The NEA for teaching without a certificate.
OSHA for walking on water without a life jacket and for flying without an airplane.
The SPCA for driving hogs into the sea.
The NATIONAL BOARD OF PSYCHIATRISTS for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.
The INTERFAITH MOVEMENT for condemning all other religions.
And by the ZONING BOARD for building mansions without a permit.