The judge asked the defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.”

From out of the gallery, a man shouted, “YOU LYING BUM!”

“Silence in the court!” the Judge said to the man who shouted.

Then he turned to the defendant and said, “You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel.”

“YOU FILTHY LIAR!” the same man in the gallery blurted out

“I said QUIET!” yelled the judge.

Then to the defendant the Judge said, “You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill.”

“YOU WEASEL!” yelled the man from the gallery.

The judge thundered at the man in the gallery: “If you don’t tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts I’ll hold you in contempt!”

The man answered back, “I’ve lived next door to that man for ten years, but do you think he ever once had a tool when I needed to borrow one?”

Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.

Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.

Only in America…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America…do we buy hot dogs in packs of 10 and buns in packs of 8.