A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff, church, church, church.”

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets.

“The brightest dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Great Dane that used to play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but finally a friend complained about him and I had him put to sleep.”

“You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars.”

“Had to”, he replied, “Caught him using marked cards.”