Dog: They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl.

Goldfish: Just because I have a three-second memory, they don’t think I’ll mind eating the same fish flakes … Oh boy! Fish flakes!

Cat: Sharpen claws on one stinking curtain and it’s curtains.

Parrot: Tease, tease, tease — but do those greedy humans ever really give me a cracker?

Cat: Why are these people in my house?

Dog: What the … HEY!!! I didn’t even sign a consent form for that surgery. Help, Legal Council!!!!

Goldfish: “Oh, tap-tap-tap! There’s a new one!”

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting.

He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, “Let’s go!” The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make several low-level passes.”

“Why?” asked the nervous pilot.

“Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.”

After a long pause, the “pilot” replied: “You mean, you’re not my instructor?”