There’s a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist.

Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts “Praise the Lord!”

The atheist yells back, “There is no God”.

Every morning they both do the same thing with the same result.

As time goes on the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food.

She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says “Praise the Lord”.

The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there’s the groceries she’s asked for, of course she says “Praise the Lord”.

The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, “Ha, I bought those groceries – there is no God”.

The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts, “Prasie the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!!”

A recent survey has compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor. Here we share some of them with you.

Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.

He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.

He works from 8: a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.

He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.

He is 28 years of age, and he’s been preaching for 30 years.

He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.

He gives of himself completely but never gets too close to anyone lest he be criticized.

He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers; he spends all his time with senior citizens.

He makes 15 calls daily on parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.