* If You Don’t Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife
* Timber, I’m Falling in Love
* You’re the First Time I Thought About Leaving
* Love Will Beat Your Brains Out
* I Think I’ll Drink Myself Into the Past
* The Pint of No Return
* Your Negligee Has Turned to Flannel Nightgowns
* Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
* It Ain’t Love but It Ain’t Bad
* Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone
* I’d Rather have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy
* Don’t Let That Doorknob Hit You (on the Way Out)
* You’re Out Doing What I’m Here Doing Without
* This Time I’m Gonna Beat You to the Truck
* You Blacked My Blue Eyes Once Too Often
* Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
* I Forgot How Bad My Good Woman Could Be
* You Done Stomped on My Heart (and Smashed That Sucker Flat)
* Let Me Love the Leavin’ from Your Mind
* Somebody Shoot Out the Jukebox
* My Legs Won’t Walk Away From You
* What’s a Fool Like Me Doing In a Love Like This
* I’ve Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral
* If You Can Live With It (I Can Live Without It)
* She Got the Gold Mine (I Got the Shaft)
* Hell Stays Open All Night
* I’d Be Better Off in a Pine Box
* I’ve Got You on My Conscience But At Least You’re Off My Back
* Bridge Washed Out, I Can’t Swim and My Baby’s on the Other Side
* The Worst You Ever Gave Me Was the Best I Ever Had
* If the Phone Doesn’t Ring It’s Me
* I’ve Got a Funny Feeling (I Won’t Be Feeling Funny Very Long)
* Does My Ring Hurt Your Finger (When You Go Out at Night)
* How Can a Whiskey Six Years Old Whip a Man That’s 32?
* I Knew I’d Lean (But I Never Thought I’d Fall)
* She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye
* We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips But Now It’s All Over
* You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
* If You Keep Checking Up on Me (I’m Checking Out on You)
* It Don’t Hurt Half as Bad as Holding You Feels Good
* I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
* I’m Gettin’ Gray From Being Blue
* I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
* Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
* Heaven’s Just A Sin Away
* She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
* If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I’d Find On You
* I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
* She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
* Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
* The Last Word In Lonesome Is “me”
* When We Get Back To the Farm (That’s When We Really Go To Town)
* You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log
* He’s Been Drunk Since His Wife’s Gone Punk
* I Bought the Boots That Just Walked Out On Me
* Ever Since I Said “I Do,” There’s a Lot of Things You Don’t
* The Next Time You Throw That Fryin’ Pan, My Face Ain’t Gonna Be There
* Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts of Life
* Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
* Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
* How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

Deacon Farnsworth was asked to dinner by one of his church members.

He knew she was a bad housekeeper but he agreed.

When he sat at the table he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest he had ever seen.

“Were these dishes ever washed”, he asked Sue Ellen, as he ran his fingers over the grease and grime.

“They’re as clean as soap and water could get them”, she replied.

When dinner was over, Sue Ellen picked up the dishes, walked out to the back porch and yelled, “Here Soap , Here Water.”