If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

What’s another word for thesaurus?

What would we have called the color orange if it wasn’t a fruit?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can’t it get us out?

The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.

Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.

Why do they report power outages on TV?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.”
3. You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
5. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?”
6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her website.
7. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
8. You didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play.
10. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
11. You check your blow-dryer to see if it’s Y2K compliant.
12. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
13. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
14. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
16. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
17. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
18. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
19. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
20. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
21. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
22. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
23. You’re reading this.
24. Even worse… you’re going to forward it to someone else.