1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t on.

3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been going 125 mph just to keep up with me!

5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop.

6. Bad cop! No donut!

7. You’re gonna check the trunk, aren’t you?

8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school instead.

9. I pay your salary.

10. That’s terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.

11. Is that a 9mm? It’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You’re a trained specialist?

13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

14. That gut doesn’t inspire too much confidence; bet I can outrun you.

15. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

16. Is it true people become cops because they’re too dumb to work at McDonald’s?

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic.

18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around–That’s how far they are ahead of me.

19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

“This should be taken care of right away.”
I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

“Welllllll, what have we here…”
Since he hasn’t the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.

“We’ll see.”
First I have to check my malpractice insurance.

“Let me check your medical history.”
I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

“Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.”
I need the money, so I’m charging you for another office visit.

“We have some good news and some bad news.”
The good news is he’s going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you’re going to pay for it.

“If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
I don’t know what the it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

“Everything seems to be normal.”
I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.

“I’d like to run some more tests.”
I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one