Half of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.
Never marry a woman who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool.
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
An optimist thinks we are living in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.
Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up.
Some days you’re the dog, some days the hydrant.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
We have enough youth. How about a ‘fountain of smart’?
It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out.
Perception is merely what others think of you. Integrity is who you really are If you think education’s expensive, try ignorance.
There are three kinds of people–those who can count and those who can’t.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Where there’s a will, I want to be in it!