The only thing wrong with being retired is that you never get a day off!

Insanity is hereditary–you get it from your kids.

Team work means not having to take all the blame.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

The perfect person is someone who has acceptable faults.

None of the secrets of success will work unless you do.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

You know you’re getting old when beautiful young women start calling you “sweetie” and “honeybun.”

SALESMAN — man with ability to convince wife she’d look fat in mink.

CANNIBAL — person who likes to see other people stewed.

FOREIGN FILM — any movie shown in Texas theater that isn’t a western.

MAGAZINE — bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.

COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.

OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.

BUFFET: A French word that means “Get up and get it yourself.”

BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.

TRAFFIC LIGHT — apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.

PIONEER — early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.

PEOPLE — some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what’s happened.

SWIMMING POOL — a mob of people with water in it.

SELF-CONTROL — the ability to eat only one peanut.

TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.