It is not wrong to want to be in God’s presence, free from the effects of this world. It isn’t wrong to desire relief from your physical ailments either. But suicidal thoughts are symptoms of a lack of hope and trust in the Lord. He has a perfect purpose for you, even in the midst of your pain.
God loves you and He has a plan for you, even in the midst of your suffering. Look at what He accomplished through Jesus’ suffering. He can still use you to bless those around you as they observe your strong witness for Christ.
It is good to be heaven-focused knowing that is your ultimate destination but as long as the Lord keeps you here He has a purpose for you. Pray that you would be healed of your illness. Ask God to heal you, but also ask that He give you the grace you need to accept your circumstances as they are or show you practical ways in which you can help improve your dilemma.
“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).
Also, a change of diet can very often help improve rheumatoid arthritis and many other ailments. Many testimonies exist about very sick people have been healed by following God’s principles of healthy eating. Search for information on alternative ways to improve your health. God’s natural foods are like medicine. Refined, processed foods are not foods God made and can cause many health problems.
“And God said, See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food” (Genesis 1:29).