God’s purpose in giving you life is that you would know Him. He will never reject a heart that earnestly seeks Him. But, you do have an enemy: Satan. He will do everything he can do to keep you from knowing Jesus. He wants to keep you in a pattern of wrongdoing and self-condemnation so that you will think you are unworthy to approach God for forgiveness. He is lying to you and will continue to do so as long as you let him.
To end the cycle you are in, you must give your life to Jesus Christ. Doing that does not mean that you won’t have to face the consequences of what you have done; it does mean that you are forgiven by God and will have eternal life through Him. That will make anything you have to face on this earth miniscule in comparison. First John 1:9 promises, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
All you have to do to give your life to Jesus is say this simple prayer: Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner. I am sorry for the things I have done and ask you to forgive me. I believe that you are Lord and I give my life to you. Thank you for loving me.
Now, find some way to get your hands on a Bible and start reading it. God will show himself to you through His Word. Start in the Book of Romans; it is three-fourths of the way to the back of your Bible. Also, begin to pray each day. Your prayers don’t have to be long or eloquent; they just have to be heartfelt. May God bless you richly as you begin your walk with Him!