Though it may not seem to be true, with God’s help, you can get past this. I can imagine how hurt and angry you must feel every time you pick at the scab of this wound. But, it is time to let this one heal.
You did the right thing, years ago, by not getting divorced. It seems as though this was a one-time event and that your husband truly repented and has not repeated the behavior. I have to ask: Are there things in your own life that you have repented of before God, and then let go, knowing that He forgave you for your sins and would never even remember them? “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Heb. 8:12). It is time for you to do the same for your husband, your marriage and yourself. Living with anger and bitterness will only continue to irritate that wound.
In order to do this once and for all you need to realize what is actually happening. Satan tried to destroy your marriage years ago by leading your husband into temptation. He continues to try to come between the two of you by whispering hatred and anger toward your husband into your heart. Until now, you have allowed him to gain a foothold in your heart by harboring the bitterness. Your weapon against the enemy is the power of God. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”